Die Piggy Piggy Die Die

Am Here Now

2007-07-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

'Don't let your soul get lonely child

It's only time, it will go by

Don't look for love in faces, places

It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness'
- Be here now, Ray Lamontagne

I leave many things undone. I also don’t quit some things easily. It is in this schizophrenic realization that I manage to get by. A lot happened while I was away and I let a lot happen.

Wrote a lot less, lived through many firsts. And in betweens. Graduated into adulthood, went on a trip covering the whole west coast of India. Said the first, most painful goodbye. Saw a friend survive death. Moved to a new city. Made up my mind about traveling to Europe before 2009. Discovered Sufjan Stevens. Named my unborn child. Bonded with my brother. Like really bonded. Saw ‘my’ sister get married. Happily. Surprised myself with the way I handled it. Calculated my taxes 12345243 times. Discovered and still exploring the genius that is MS Excel. Trying hard to let go. trying harder to not. Taking ‘gay-ass’ness to new levels… Its good to be back baby!

Across The Universe And Back

2007-01-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

There is something about Fiona Apple’s voice that urges you to think. And her borrowed song managed to make me write after a long time. And now my mind wrestles as it tries to decide where to start from. Tube light and grafitti on the wall that wake up to my smile everyday. A familiar breath. The permanence in the temporary. And friends for life.
Of firsts and crossed boundaries. And the present that makes me forget the future. Even new jobs.

Dharamshala in all its Tibetan glory was as good as it could get. And it’s good to be back in my cocoon for the last time. It’s now time to share a warm cup of coffee and Rufus Wainwright with my Hitchhiker’s guide. Oh, romance at short notice is my forte!

Have Air... Will Breathe

2006-11-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

Nicotine rush. Fuck the world. Yellow fused light. Lone Wolf. Ronin. I fight my own battle. My own way. Coffee stains on tooth. Chocolate for later. And Air… I breathe. Eyelids. Blink. Colors. Rhythm. Air talks. Trance. And carries you. Up and down, a smooth, easy ride. Up and away. Balloons. Vibrations of the music make me swim. Warm and moist. Orgasmic. Smoke rings that don’t bother. Space. And me.

French accent and electronica. Music builds. Clear, clean sounds merged, fused together seamlessly. Repetitions which are obviously made to order for the barf free rides. Sway away.

Air never fails to trip me out.

Of Frozen Boogers and 'Blocked' Noses

2006-11-25T03:40:00.000-08:00

If you read all of Calvin And Hobbes that has ever been printed (It isn't hard to do so, because sadly Watterson wrote/drew it for the papers everyday from 18th November 1985 to 31st December 1995 only.), take it from me, you will have all and I mean all of life's answers!

And even though frozen boogers can be quite a problem and some weeks just suck ass, you know you are going to be just fine because Calvin is around. *more power to disturbed childhoods*

PS: Someday when you are more lucky and I am more bummed/bored, I shall put up some of CnH so you can see for yourself how deprived you are since you DON'T have the whole collection! *sticks tongue out and goes na na na na*

To Pebbles, Laughter and The Night

2006-11-20T23:06:00.000-08:00

I am an Opera Singer

I stand on painted Tape

It tells me where

I'm going

And where to throw my cape

I call my co-star's brother

I call my co-star's name

I play both good and evil parts

I sing to Verdi's play

And every single morning

By 10 AM I'm dressed

My rehearsals last for hours and hours

With diligence I have been blessed

Some people they call me monster

Some people they call me saint

My talent feeds my darker side

Yet no one will complain

I am an opera singer

I sing in foreign lands

I've sung for kings in Europe

And emperors in Japan

And after each performance

People stand around and wait

Just to tell me that they love my voice

Just to tell me that I'm great

I am an opera singer

I will sing when you're all dead

I sing the mountains crumbling apart

I sing what can't be said

I am an opera singer

I sing in foreign lands

Most people seem to know my name

Or at least know who I am

" Shit, these lines are so witty" *... witty... w-i-t-t-y... W-I-T-T-Y... play to fade*

I think Cake is brilliant.

I Dig Music.

2006-11-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

That is that.

Goosebumps, tears, love, husky voices, getting lost, and finding myself. My songs speak to me.

I might not know an A minor from a G string! And a bar from a beat.

But I do know what transcends all that is here and all that chains me down. My music gives me wings and lets me fly a flight higher than any drug is capable of. I dig music. That is all I know, that is all that matters.

Life and Times Of Madam Cribsalot

2006-11-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

Tired. Sleepy. Bored. Annoyed. Hopeful. Hopeless. And the 'kenny' syndrome has just struck... Will do anything for money as of now. Even play a sidey operations simulation game. Yay!

Lullabye

2006-11-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

Of counting sheep,
Restfulness that I seek
In your warm lies
Dawn greetings and surprises,
Leftover hugs and songs
To listen for you

Gawd Tag It !

2006-10-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

Considering that 'that one' has had too much time on his hands lately and is rather pissed about being refered to as that one (jeez, some people have such major attention problems!) he decides to tag me. I mean what a juvenile thing to do * secretly getting happy about being mentioned on another blog! *

So here goes,

What is the best thing about my workplace(changed to MICA with due permission ) ?

The people,you get them in all shapes,sizes and variety. A close second is the concept of 24 hrs, and and the campus in all its verdant and zoological glory and the stars, how can I not mention the stars. I saw my first shooting star here, just 2 days back!

What do I hate about MICA?

The fact that it is some 386 km away from civilisation. Frikkin expensive and tiresome to go to town. For God's sake we change some 3 autos to go to Mocha... ya Mocha!

On a pmsey note, the fact that I grew up/am growing up here. But if you think of it, it is a good thing only. yeah?

What small irritants at MICA that really annoy me ?

TIny insects, my messy room which I need to clean up from time to time(read once in 6 months or a visit from family, whichever is later!), bad coffee in the canteen.

Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person I study with (can be a co-worker, employer, or a vendor if you are self employed)

They don't make them wierder than moi! But certain people who don't get the concept of personal space, dumb annoying people who think my room is too dirty the first time they step in. Hmph!

What is one thing that I would change at MICA to make life a helluva lot better?

Nothing *tilt head and go... awwe*

Pick five songs that I'd like played at my funeral......

"I'm not dying. Atleast not today!"

(from some arbid movie i saw long back, I think it's Ed harris that says that.)

Like how random is that question... 5 songs, hmmmm

1) Main to raste se jaa raha tha... Main to bhel puri kha raha tha teri sana mari to main kya karoon!

2) Mujhe maaf karna om sai raam

3) Tamma Tamma

4) I love you oh sayonee I love you oh sayonee I love you oh sayonee. KOI SHAQUE..WASSUP!

5) Kabhie alvidaa na kkkkeihna (the 'KANK' version)

To the people who would be there, enjoy your slow death, just as I did mine! Thank you, Come again.

Now the best part of this post... MUAHAHAAHAHAAH *Dr. Evil strikes back*

I TAG Jun, Saru, Bhaisaab, Whoopin.

No actually this inanity needs to stop somewhere, so if you don't want to do it, you don't have to. There, world order restored!

The good life!

2006-10-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

State of mind: UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Music: Everything in its right place - Radiohead (talk about irony!)

And rock bottom hasn't even been hit yet. Actually, you can never do that. Such a pity!

Friends in strange places and stranger times

2006-09-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like kicking yourself for not having met a person before? Or happy at the same time because you met them atleast, and 'tried' to make yourself feel better with the thought that maybe it is really nice because you met them at this time in your life.

'Duuuuuuuuuude' it is a very wierd place to be at. And eerily nice.

Late night conversations, connections, freakishly close almosts, and never ending similarities. Hopes and dreams and promises to keep... thank you man!

Mornings

2006-09-21T03:00:00.000-07:00

Early Morning
Coffee breath
Scattered brains
Pope and Moslems
News
Lost arcs
Promises
Last conversation
Apologies
Life’s unlearnt lessons
Dead ends
And new roads

Applause

2006-09-19T00:31:00.000-07:00

So you know you have reached the portals of fame and fortune when you get mentioned and plugged by certain bloggers (Statcounter being indicator number 1). So what if you had to beg them at first and then wait for an opportune moment to threaten them!

I used the emotional blackmail with Psychiaah and the threat route was taken with 'world famous in Mica' Sir Gaurav Sabnis IBM/PSU waale.

These bloggers are the reason why I am compelled to make a post every 3 seconds as opposed to every 4 months maybe. They are the reason the term 'misuse of PSU facilities' has taken a new dimension all together! They are the reason I know exactly (to three points in decimals) how vulgar my sense of humor is, that there actually is a song for all the stupids out there, and that VH1 uses Indian tracks to promote their shows.

So all in all, a happy week. I can't stop beaming at the fact that people are actually jobless enough to read my blog! I don't promise you but will try to add value to your reading experience soon enough! While you are at it, do stop by to smell my undies!

Excitingus Diseasus

2006-09-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

So just when I thought I had the most rotten luck in the whole wide world, I find out that I have appendicitis.

Now this appendicitis is not your regular 'Sorry but your appendix just burst and you are dying, it was nice curing/not curing you' sorta variety. Mine got detected on an early stage,thankfully.

So the upside:

I got to miss exams (woohoo),got to get home early, got to bully a few friends into doing my work, got to sleep late into the day, got to watch some awesome movies... you get the drift.

The downers, a constant nagging ache, home is kinda boring and ya the possibility of a cut up stomach is not very appealing. And to think its a frikkin vestigial organ man. I mean it doesn't even help me live a fulfilling life where I can crib in peace. What a bitch.

All in all, ya this is what has been 'up' in my exciting life.

Come back for more, since I will have all the time in the world to think about trivial things to blog about. And those of you who know me and are in Delhi, losers why haven't you yet seen me. I hate you but I could do with flowers and candy!

Of Passing Fauxes

2006-09-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

So Sarika, my dear dear friend who suffers from OCD, which forces her to make around 45362 posts in a single day on her blog finally did mention me on post number 'Blurty can't count beyond a trillion' which obviously precedes post number 'Blurty is still not equipped to count that many posts'.

And what love she bestows upon me in real life too. We are walking back from a long tiring class to our hostels where we start to discuss Southpark and the characters we resemble most, and without a blink this true friend says "Sana is Butters". And the story doesn't finish here. I am Butters. And this statement doesn't change even after what seems to be a 'I need to go to the loo just when person A has gone in to the same loo to take a dump' minute long silence.

Obviously I feel very nice.

I also have a friend who 'forgets' to call me for dinner when she goes to the mess, and another who chops my feet right off with her razor sharp looks dare I step on her carpet with my shoes on!

But seriously, isn't this life worth living for!

For more details, contact the 'wicked sistaahs' at MICA!

Circle Has Only One Side

2006-09-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

Butter fingered catches
And cute laughter
Serious star gazing
And music lists
Broken promises
And one sided conversations
Version 2 bruised ego
New people
Full circle
Repeat

Unsent

2006-09-06T13:58:00.001-07:00

To the 7 and more unfinished conversations that you owe me.
To all the coffee that's waiting to be had.
To all the 'could haves' and 'should haves'.
To all 170.2 Mbs of 'you' that you gave to me. (So what in the selfish hope that your plumage will be appreciated).
To carousel rides and barf bags.
To all of you and none of us.

"I was just thinking about how things change so much so fast and the jigsaw puzzle keeps changing its picture. So when you start out to build that picture, it isnt the same a lil later so all you are doing is trying to get to the final picture but you never can. It's like one of those things. Am I getting across? I dunno but you can't imagine the degree by which your life changes and in so lil time, it is that unpredictable. And in that lies the fun, and the thrill and sometimes sadness (but only temporary thankfully!) We are such funny species, God gave us the prerogative in the power to be able to think and comprehend within which is all the complicatedness. And meaning. The drive to live and uncover what lies covered. I mean what fun would it be to be procreating like a pet animal(not that I would complain :P) and just 'being'. At the mercy of a care taker. No writing, reading or farting out from the mouth. Eeeyyuuu!

Well that is that."

"Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all"

"I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries..."

"Dearest

Love
Me"

"What I would do to get off this rollercoaster and melt away"

"Just to let you know, I can't play by your rules."

"I can do betterYou are no Jay Hernandez"

"Me: Why couldn't we be just friends?
You: I don't know. Anything"

"I know I will not stop talking to you or hate you ever but you make me sad because I was and have been wrong in 'expecting' you to be my best friend and understanding."

"That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I'm tired I should not have let you go
So I (wish I could) crawl back into your open arms"

"I guess it wasn't meant to be"

For Freaks and Others

2006-09-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

You must listen to 'Beautiful freak' by Eels. I would like to believe that it is my song. See, I lost out because the Eels didn’t write it for me :(, but if someone were to sing it for me ever, I would definitely, positively, affirmatively get wobbly in the knees and be his biyaatch for sure.

Though it is far from being a happy song (this dude wrote it for his manic depressive sister who eventually committed suicide), it is for a misfit who the world doesn’t accept but in my head, it is a song for someone... anyone, deeply misunderstood but equally beautiful (and there are many like that). And it is he who recognises that beauty. And in that recognition, she has most unselfishly been loved. Pure.

Of Dear Diary Moments

2006-09-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

Growing up
Fast
Slow motion
Life
Meaning
Jibes
Little Girl
Blue
Bright Lights
Blind
Long winding roads
Conversations
Coffee
Yellow lamp to hide
And burn within.

"Don't be so naive, K!"
-Al Pacino to Diane Keaton in 'The Godfather'

Insomniacs Anonymous

2006-08-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

Lack of sleep is a lot like drinking.It leads you to believe you have the prerogative of having no inhibitions. And of making no sense, or all the sense in the world!

Lately I have been lost. Lost in translation... you know the feeling when people around you suddenly stop speaking your language and all you are left with is an ugly smile that you break into in the name of being polite.

Music in my room, white lights for a change, and tea boiling away in the kettle. Hiding spaces within small rooms and alarm clock ogling at my face, smirking bashfully at me. I turn, hoping that restless restfulness awaits me on the other wall that I will stare at now.

"Dying behind these tired eyes, I've been losing sleep, Please come to me, Tonight"

-Miracle, The Foo Fighters

The ‘After a long time’ Feeling:

2006-08-13T03:45:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a cottage in the middle of a lazy Sunday afternoon, banalities put on hold for the time being, all the time in the world to read, in the company of my most favourite(st) [sic!] people.

Surreal. Very.

Shots of coffee waiting to be had, conversations waiting to be made.

Current world situation, Lebanon, Gulzar, Smoke, Alistair Mclain, Shakespeare, Mica, Humour, Music, My future, Friends in small places, Pigeons and Mountain tops.

Life. At peace. In Srinagar.

Did I Make Ya?

2006-08-13T00:49:00.000-07:00

‘And I read the letter you wrote to me… you don’t have to go.’

QUOTE

D'yer Mak'er" (intended to be pronounced with a British non-rhotic accent as "jah-may-kah")… The name of the song is derived from Jamaica and is a play on words based on the joke, "My wife's on vacation in the West Indies." "Jamaica?" "No, she went of her own accord."

UNQOUTE

Source: Viva La Wikipedia!

Where is my mind?

2006-07-29T00:24:00.000-07:00

"I'm sorry... you met me at a very strange time in my life."

As Edward Norton holds Helena Bonham Carter's hand in the midst of crashing glass, imploding buildings and clouds of dust, as the last frame of Fightclub slides into the credits and 'Where is my mind' plays in the background, as I get gooseflesh every single time I see that portion of the movie. Where is my mind?!

New Post For New People

2006-07-28T14:40:00.000-07:00

Apparently, my blog is worth some money! Woohoo! *headshake etc*

By the way, head shaking is not such a good idea, sadly which you realise post an 'awwweeesssuuuuuuuuuuum' party what with all the aches.

New people surprisingly are reading the blog now, so all the more pressure to update. Damn you all!

Life is boring and tense like always what with 12341223 things needed to be done in the middle of socialising at this lil resort called MICA where we study by the side!

And it just wouldn't stop raining here. GOJJAMMIT (Cartmen style)

It just dawned on me that I am very dependant on the exclamation mark for expression! A consequence of too much caffiene perhaps!

You see, I am the species who shall bleed coffee when poked, or so I'd like you all to believe to justify the hyper behaviour that is so moi!!!!!!!!

I am experiencing extreme high life condition thanks to the fact that I discovered an extra can of tuna hiding away somewhere in the middle of the 'massive' goody bag that I cunningly use to entice people into hanging out with me! * Tch tch tch, the pits I tell you, the pits *

So I shall go dream now, about more rains, lesser muck and ofcourse tuna, the social life maker.

You go get yourself something better to do, like read my other blog

Of Sand And Some

2006-07-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

So just when I decided to be regular with blogging, right then 'someone' decides to ban blog sites in India.

Their reason... blogging gives rise to uncontrolled propoganda

My response to that... You got sand in your vagina.

* CARTMAN SO TOTALLY RULES! *

Rest when I can see what I write... hopefully soon :(

Current Mood: *Twist thy neck*

Current Music: "Scotty doesn't know" (OST Eurotrip) on f!@#* d speakers, part reason for aforementioned mood!

To Be Back

2006-06-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

Back in my room and trying to settle into the drudgery of ‘my’ place.

Delhi is far away and Bombay has been left behind

Corner of Chinaar and unpacked cartons, confusion and mind numbing heat, career choices waiting to be made hurriedly. Baby, it’s good to be back!

Busy sessions, trying to catch up on lost time, in the middle of letting go of what I have become used to, that which is hard to let go, that that would be best to let go of.

Over reading signs, sometimes under reading them. Being at peace with the unfamiliar, comforting one’s insides by justifying actions unworthy of justifications! Being new to things automatically gives you the prerogative of making mistakes. My most favourite rule.

Babbling psychotically in the ebbing night.

Such is life.

Just Another Post

2006-06-05T04:12:00.000-07:00

Bombay is wet and plays hide and seek with my senses as they get drenched in the cold rain outside. Muffassa’s gumboots are out and so is the new found tolerance for annoying Zazu who talks too much with ‘his’ aunt!

My fartisms see me through the last two weeks of interning in adulthood!

Exams test my patience and bloody presentations remain incomplete. Unfinished books rob me of my weekend. Night outs and lies keep me going. Lost umbrellas are the least of my concerns!

New hiding places to call work areas and vast expanses of concrete to call ‘pretty’ view. Ragamuffins and long dinky car queues, I see from the eighteenth.

Though life has been kind these past two months but the excitement of returning to the familiar with new stories to tell just keeps squirming within, and leaves me restless.

The ever ungrateful ‘chick’ within keeps resurfacing time to time and tries to get me down. But she’s not so bad this time around.

[Just for the benefit of the people who care enough(or are just that obsessed! :p) to keep returning to this space, you can actually predict when she is winning, what with the long sob notes that I leave here!]

*Can’t wait to get back home now!*

The Trip

2006-05-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

A trip to Ahmedabad in the middle of summer for ‘work’ is not my idea of finding answers to questions that rattle in my head generally but that’s what happened this past week.

But I am not going to bore you guys (ya there are multiple readers of this blog, yippee!) by some whiny pms notes. Instead what I will do is write about the super cool time I spent staring at the dingy walls of the shady hotel I was put up in and whose walls I so wanted to bring down in an agitated fit of boredom that I suffered every single hour of the minute there.

Went back to MICA after a month and a half to just see if it missed me while I was away! And was it fun, can’t wait to get back and put those lil kiddos in their places, the mice you see are a little too happy while the cat is away, loooooooosers.

* grinds teeth and punches air *

By the way, if you are to ever go as ‘madam from Bambai’ to a small, dilapidated cow dung smelling village in Gujarat, be prepared to be followed by runny nosed, giggly little children who would clap at the sight of your car and continue following you till you get tired of walking but not of their enthusiasm!

So that was that, the aunt and cousin are back and their jet lag wears off just like Muffassa’s affection for Zazu. Ya, life can be just that cruel!

On yet another schizophrenic tangent, I believe other’s flippancy does distort your vision of rosy pink happy but it puts things in perspective and brings you back on ground to where you actually belong and where you were in the first place.

To more vagueness. And better ‘trips’ in future.

Ahem! Mr Fartsmith

2006-05-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden, I am quite ‘grinny’ these days!

Though work keeps getting more and more of a drab (well I am just saying that to sound all dilberty coz Dilbert is rather nice I say.), I still manage to have a life thanks to dear friends who have taken it upon themselves to show me around their city.

I have been reminded (by more people than one by the by), that I haven’t updated my ‘web-log’ in a long time,so I shall elaborate why. (Please do take note sweethearts that this post is going to be strictly in a Brit-ish accent, oblimey, pertaining to the fact that I am quite a bit of an arse! NICE!)

Oh ruddy, got over that rather quick me ladies, back to normal now.

So here goes why.

Every time I would listen to someone going “Oh Bombay this and oh Bombay that”, I would yawn at the person’s face with ‘There she goes’ playing in my head.

But you see, Bombay is one of those cities, that just grows on you with time and whatever you may think, once you come here, on the condition that you are in the company of friends who know the city, you are bound to get taken in by the many, many things this place tempts you with, just like the excited aunt who bribes her little Mufassa, forcing him to upgrade her status to the much coveted Zazu! Yay, we are gay! And in order to come up with the rather exhaustive list given below, you can say I have been busy.

The ‘MUST DO/VISIT THIS THE MOMENT YOU ARE IN BOMBAY’ list

· Chilly ice cream, chilly ice cream and chillier ice cream at Bachelor’s juice place near Chowpatty.

· Cheese Mysore masala dosa on the roadside below Express Towers

· Aarey Mango lassy again near Express Towers, but it tastes just the same on the million other small shacks you would find this all over Bombay. And once you are forced to have it after lunch everyday, you do develop a taste for it.

· Train ride from Andheri to Grant road and Sion to V.T. (unfortunately much to my chagrin, you can’t do Sion to Grant road ;) )

· Leopold’s on a Saturday when the entire world decides to come to the same place (refer to previous posts for clarity on this!).

· Mondy’s. Okay so this place is called Mondegar’s and till I had actually gone to this place I thought it was so stupid and wannabe to call it Mondy’s but you can see ‘things have changed’.

· Colaba Causeway to get rockstar wristbands, almost as good as Zara boxers, and the long lane for nice conversations

· Marine Drive… on a hot sunny day, under the miserly tree’s shade where you shouldn’t actually sit but anything to extend that lunch break, lassi finishes too fast you see.

· Theomabromas where you get the nicest desserts ever and God help you if you love chocolate.

· Ga(y)teway of India where you would be pimped by your own biyaatch, so beware.

· Bus number 108 which comes once in 28 hours, well not that long actually but it’s the company of the likes of Jun that makes it seem that way!

· Pollyesther on a Wednesday night or Sunday is fine too!

· Oxford bookstore with its cha bar, cha and orange rocking chairs.

It is no truer that a place is the people. And Bombay proves it most beautifully.

To Orange Juice Shots

2006-05-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

Mr Mahajan gets shot by his brother and Mumbai gets jammed. Not fair.
Just like looking for Mudran Kamnagar and Press colony for half an hour right in the middle of noon only to find out that they are the same place. Blistered toes was not my idea of internship. But on the brighter side, I am learning... (to puke maybe!).

Had the most awesome sandwiches (thanks Lyn!) for lunch while being audience to gully football in some park with children (if 12 year olds with beards count as 'children'... *mean*) who would not talk without jeweling their sentences with ch!@# , mad!@## etc etc. And returned home at five. Yeah!

Could have been partying tonight but for the overcautious demeanor that I inherited from the Ally genes! Dammit.

A lot keeps happening around here and sleepless nights are what I am left with.Hallelujah!

There has been a lot of pressure from people to update blog however 'fake' it may be!(This is just to tell you that I have new readers...* celebrations * )

And one last thing, office place is not the best place to do wasteful things like updating personal blogs! I feel like a mouse living on the edge, so tata before the cat comes a visiting.

My Color Blue!

2006-04-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

In Bombay and very blue. Started internship this week and have been laughing hysterically at my luck, I guess that is the side effect of working the entire, I repeat, THE ENTIRE FRIKKIN WEEK.Just in case you missed the point, worked Saturday and Sunday and obviously the 5 days before that like an animal that also means your backside. Confused the shit out of all the co workers in my first week itself! But I kind of like what I am doing.

Firsts are all very memorable. Oooh! Memories in my head, that pull my facial muscles to force a smile(awwe, how sweet am I!) *puke!*

On another first, (all the people who read this would already know how great my adventures at Dubai were) I want to go back to Dubai soooooooo much. But like all firsts I know it's not going to be even half as much fun the next time.That is the deal with such girliness, feel depressed afterwards!

And as an afterthought, meeting with my best friend's ex-girlfriend when the best friend, his new girlfriend and I are out to Leopold's to have a good time isnt the most comfortable situation you'd want to find yourself in! *ouch*

Rest later when I am more awake.

Of Home And Some

2006-04-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

(31st march)

So back home and already the elitist bitch misses faster internet speeds and laptop keyboards. But for good reasons too, just wrote more than half a page of PMS notes which got lost in the middle of faulty Sify connections.

But the brilliance didn’t, so little (hehehehe) modest me shall write some more!

Saw ‘Crash’ today with Anant. Had one of those ‘best friend’ night outs. Dinner and movie. Yay!

Walked out of a Chinese restaurant, was a tad bit expensive. Ya ok! So we are cheap but we have done many more embarrassing things together to be affected by this!

Now here’s the thing.

Felt a bit off this time around, realizing that I was no longer a part of the mad rush. I was an observer watching from a distance. Flyovers I don’t recognize, buildings I saw for the first time, mended roads, potholes for diversions, the works.

My city is no longer mine. I feel it distinctly.

Got lost on way to Green Park, didn’t remember how to get there at all. Now its true I have a memory that will make a gold fish proud of his but still. I mean Green Park! I felt so shitty after this that I drank like a whole bucket of cappuccino at this fancy place in yes, Green Park. They have 3 sizes for their cappuccino there, the bucket (which is nowhere close to the small they call it!), big bucket, and the ‘shake till you die after drinking that much caffeine’ size.

(3rd April)

Early morning (read 11-30 in the afternoon!)

Subjecting myself to my farthouse syndrome where I think I sound all deep and profound but end up sounding corny!

Haven’t been able to meet my stick child for 2 days now. (And the stick child tag is my way of getting back at you Anant for just being the way you are. So stop sulking. That is my job!)

I do not know why but this was the first time after being away, I felt that I belong more to another place and felt guilty about it. And scared that if I get back here later, things would be so different. I acknowledge that things can’t be the same. They should not be. But isn’t ‘holding on’ only human.

On the brighter side, friends here are the same. They still sleep in 7 minutes, they still throw stones and still like other people! And some still remember to buy the jersey you asked them for so long back you don’t remember it yourself. And the ‘I have been away for so long, please make me feel special’ expression still doesn’t work! So I go now to pay my friend for the goddamn jersey (Damn you Lasso!)

Last Three Days

2006-03-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

Last three days in Kachhnaar 24.

End of the year and I still don't know how to spell my hostel's name but that is incidental.

Today has been a good long day. I sit in the middle of the mess and just think back to the last nine months.(Funnily, exam time pushes me into the 'reflecting' mood!).

From the first nights curled up on my bed, grumbling some of the choicest swear words cursing the unreasonable seniors who wouldn't stop ragging us to missing home to gathering reels of this 'oh so fast moving' motion picture in my head, this room has seen it all.

From shamelessly scarring its poor walls with my wrath in the form of the hideous blotches of paint I still call art to scribbling randomly on the white of the wall to dusting the shelf carelessly in the name of cleaning it.

Never realised a room could have such a cool existence!

Between the many nights I have sat up trying to sort relationships, clutter on the table(not so much, though!) and my mind and oversleeping on holidays to rushed days to packing excitedly 12 days before going home for the term break, I have 'lived' so much right here.

From perfecting the art of copy pasting to bitching to howling to laughing like retarded juveniles. And tears roll down the (n-3)th time tonight as I prepare to make peace with the fact that atleast now it shall be cleaner(hopefully)!

The sudden breaking into a 'hurt my neck the next day' mad dance to leaving the bed undone because, what the hell, it was going to get undone when I plonk on it later anyway! From switching off the main lights of the neighbour's room while she was inside, knocking on neighbour's neighbour's while she slept and running back at the speed of light only to slip in my room, I have been 10 again, 20, 50 all right here.

From 'Sana live heeya' to yellow post its on the door to vulgar puppets to unread newspapers left stuck in the door to broken locks in the 2nd week of inhabitation to new found friends.

From forced tea parties, orgies (well only one!), avoiding friends after fights to smoky party hidings.

From reading till I slept and repeated play lists and kettle cleaning and endless shots of doppio to poems on my laptop written on my clothed table to finding myself.

To hurriedly leaving it. Hurriedly but as hesitantly...

Of Regrets And Changes

2006-03-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

Change is inevitable.

And involuntary is the period it takes for things to change.

Just like death and lost friendships.

All you can do is stand in the corner of the room, cry, shriek or observe the numbness that speaks to you from across.

When expectations are met from the unexpected, and the expected doesn't happen, people just become that much more important or not.

And how much ever you may fight it, the laws always win. You DO move on. Maybe not today but soon enough to make you laugh about how trivialties troubled you and wasted your time.

Life is too short and unpredictable to bother about grudges, attitudes and bleary eyes.

Growing up is not fun. Period.

The Blower's Daughter

2006-03-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

'And so it is, just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me most of the time.' Blower's Daughter, Damien Rice

Probably too easy. That is why I am the complainer, whiner, puler and what have you.

I'm in one of those spaces today where I want to just be. You know the feeling, when all around you is going fine and you are having a good time, you can't complain because things are all hunky dory. Atleast on the surface they are. And I don't want to scrape to see the inside, but by saying that you just know I have, don't you?

And the doc just can't put a finger on it.

People change. The jigsaw finds a new fit but misses being the old picture too. Not that the new picture you are building is not nice.Hmm.

Idealism can leave you very sour when you experience reality. Though that doesn't mean you be the stuck up no nonsense person, because its idealism that gives you the power to enjoy yourself when you want to. With those very 'profound' words I shall leave and enjoy my last cup of black coffee for the night.

As a very wise person just told me, nights are very bad for your head. They bring out the maximum gas within you!

Happy holi, God bless.

The Aftermath

2006-03-07T04:52:00.000-08:00

I just got dissed by Sarika about how I am and I quote "A pseudo art house wannabe"

Her exact words after the super enlightening prophecy were "I think you should rename your blog FARTHOUSE!".
Yay!
Besides the point, here is my state of mind today:

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"
I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Ya you can say I am a schizo, well so am I!
But seriously it feels a lot nicer to have things clarified between friends and it is infact a wonderful feeling to see a lot of people care for you unconditionally, beyond what you could ever imagine. Ofcourse there are times when I feel low and farthousy but then the realisation that I am a lot better off than most people makes it all worthwhile.
Ok enough gas, probably more than you can handle.
I wont say its not wierd because it is still a lot wierd and not all hunky dory.Having to realise that things in the real world are never perfect. But then what is perfect except a state of mind.Hmm. Quite dissilusioning but as a good friend keeps saying "Well boohoo to you then, get your ass up and do your work!"
Buh bye

Chaos

2006-03-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

Super depression (I think it has just become a fashion statement for wannabe coolios like me but what the heck) leads you to write this in class.
Let me warn you I have done this before and I think the results are always (not) perfect but thats old news!
Embryo. Speed. Sponge. Liquid. Spores. Cotton. Weed. Stop. Breathe. Distance. Blood. Brother. Room. Claustrophobia. Obviousness. Steps. Monkeys. Slide. Absolut. Courtyard. Ladies. Lock. Stop. Boredom. Nonsense. Music. Noise. White. Space. Teal. Psychedelia. Hash. Fumes. Breathlessness. Swollen. Pregnant. Gravid. Puke. Brain. Dead. Schizophrenia. Freedom. Person. Men. Women. Self. High. Low. Kill. Killed. Little girl. Altruism. Selfish. Ploy. Innocence. Walls. Lights. Many. Stars. Yellow. Clarity. Fuzzy. Happy. Blitzkrieg. Orange. Stop. Change. Smell. Decay. Death. Eggs. Flu. Musk. Friend. Sex. Ghore. Phlegm. Shakespeare. Marlowe. Faust. College. Lost. Found. Lost again. Conversations. Nicotine. Hidden. Coffee. Black. Acid. Burn. Lard. Ugly. Lips. Nice. Farce. Azure. Skies. Fly. Away. Alone. Cliches. Poetry.

Too Much Time

2006-03-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

Between 784 (at the last count) project submissions that are due and 386 mugs of black coffee, life sure looks uppitty up. Amandeep is leaving for Chandigarh tomorrow, was boarded out of MICA.
Life is just that good.
I am extremely homesick. And am not even sure if I want to go home. I don't know. For now it's just me and Kachhnaar 24... my last few days here in my beloved sty.
Someday I shall tell you about what it took to make the sty what it is today.
I want my friend back... boohoohoo.
Mood: Extremely stagnant, a hybrid of irritable,angry, dissappointed and wierd
State of mind: Could kill to go back to 8 and a half months earlier
Music: Where is my mind- The pixies

It's P.M.S Time

2006-03-01T02:15:00.000-08:00

It's so easy for people to say they are different from you and just let go.
The context is of no consequence whatsoever. A mere sentence can give you a bad taste in the mouth permanently. And it's funny how it just takes a pebble to break a glass door which when tried to be fixed shamefully shows a crack. Corny as it may sound I can't describe it better. Lack of creativity may be blamed.
I am a slow learner but am learning. And more importantly I can live with that.

It's A Good Day

2006-02-25T05:15:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury!
I have officially become a part of the exclusive 'Team T'. And on this occasion I'd like to thank my mother, my father, my cat ( I know you are watching me from up there!) and all my friends. Jun, I could have done this without you but I'd still like to thank you.
Writing comes unnaturally to me, thanks to the immense need to be cool. But as someone 'almost famous' said-" One day, you will be cool!" And that will be the day I have atleast one anonymous stalker reading my blog regularly!
Days are as good as you want them to be. So I have decided.
Rest later

Who's My Daddy.

2006-02-22T11:02:00.000-08:00

Arjun my dad insists that I learn to write properly. What with typos, grammatical errors and other such sacrileges. Ya, I am from an SEC A1+++++ family who refuses to teach girl children! But, in my defense Arj is a perfectionist who has been writing for professional publications (read magazines which actually are read by more than two people besides me and him!) ever since he stopped pooing in his pants and sucking his thumb (he found better things... oops, no am not supposed to be obsessed about certain things!)
So from now on please bear with extra commas and malapropisms.
Also get used to the fact that I take 384 lines to communicate one idea because I am always uncertain about things and that this is MY blog. BOOOO.
Today I applied to Trinetra, the 'film appreciation' club at MICA which also arranges parties.
And what a brilliant application I wrote! About other things, I am busy brooding about the fact that ever since MICA interview calls have come out, all people except me are getting phonecalls from unknown people, super enthusiastic about what to do, what not to do at their interviews. Phew!
Am listening to sappy old hindi songs after like some 4 million years but its all coming back to me. Its funny how my schizophrenia keeps acting up when it comes to music. U oops sorry, you... you... YOU (fine Arj boy breathe I say!) know the feeling when you absolutely must hear a particular song and you can't potty till you have heard it... that is besides the point that I can't potty at many other occasions( I have a feeling I am going to be single for a long time!)
Now I shall go contribute to my other cool(er) blog and I promise this is going to get more boring soon enough when I start pmsing and get suicidal depressed and whine.
Tata then to all the boys.

The First

2006-02-20T05:09:00.000-08:00

So then when it is 6 in the evening and you can't figure out more ways to waste your freaking time, you create a blog account because if everyone else is doing it so why can't we!
Lots of stories are worth sharing and I can't think of the end to this clever line.
We can start by telling you about moi!
Well myself madam Sana Ally presenting to you myself in all the glory ... *yuck*
No, but I am Sana and I shall bore you to death with this inane piece of literature that is my blog.
Rest of uselessness in the posts to follow.
Buh bye.

Die Piggy Piggy Die Die

Am Here Now

Across The Universe And Back

Have Air... Will Breathe

Of Frozen Boogers and 'Blocked' Noses

To Pebbles, Laughter and The Night

I Dig Music.

Life and Times Of Madam Cribsalot

Lullabye

Gawd Tag It !

The good life!

Friends in strange places and stranger times

Mornings

*Applause*

Excitingus Diseasus

Of Passing Fauxes

Circle Has Only One Side

Unsent

For Freaks and Others

Of Dear Diary Moments

Insomniacs Anonymous

The ‘After a long time’ Feeling:

Did I Make Ya?

Where is my mind?

New Post For New People

Of Sand And Some

To Be Back

Just Another Post

The Trip

Ahem! Mr Fartsmith

To Orange Juice Shots

My Color Blue!

Of Home And Some

Last Three Days

Of Regrets And Changes

The Blower's Daughter

The Aftermath

Chaos

Too Much Time

It's P.M.S Time

It's A Good Day

Who's My Daddy.

The First

Applause